My love for vodka.

Holy shit. I ran today. After work! My mom has a treadmill in her humble abode, and graciously let me have use of it, since we’re getting a shit ton of rain from Hurricane Isaac. (We’re getting residual rain and such from the edges of the storm- I’m in upstate SC, about three hours away from the coast, so we’re just getting heavy rain and such. It’s flooding in some places. Nothing major- so far.)

But of course nothing can go right, because it’s been so long since I last did any of my Couch to 5K training (about four weeks), I have become weak and mushy and soft, and couldn’t even run ON THE TREADMILL for the whole thirty minutes. I made it like fifteen. Seriously. I felt like a complete failure. I had no idea why I was so tired and wore out. My lungs even burned, and I was just spent. The only difference has been the entire time I’ve been running, I’ve been running outside. But I thought the treadmill would’ve been easier, since you kind of have the belt running for you. You use more effort running outside, since you basically propel yourself. I don’t know. I guess I just have to work harder, so I’m gonna try to get out tomorrow morning and see what I can do.

Sidenote- while we’re talking running, I have a hair accessory bitch. These things:

suck ass. I mean, they’re awesome in a way since they keep little hair pieces from getting all in my eyes, but I have to bobby pin the shit out of them to keep them in place. I’ve never come across ANYONE who can honestly say that they can just put one on, and it stays. And they even have the little no-slip grips on the other side of them! I just don’t get it. I think it’s maybe because I have a weirdly shaped head. Thanks genetics.

Also, another side note: Canned macaroni really sucks. I mean, really tastes bad. Don’t ever buy it. Trust me, I like a lot of gross stuff, but even I couldn’t find a taste for it. It just had this weird canned taste that you can’t cover up with any amount of salt and pepper. Ugh.

Also also: fun fact: My favorite brand of vodka (my favorite liquor EVER) is Absolut. So much so that I always have at least two bottles on hand, and here’s my laptop background:

Have a good night.

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AOTS with a side of rice and beans.

Sup.

Wanted to poop out a quick post at lunch, and I thought what better time to show you what I’m eating! stop rolling your eyes.

So here is my rice and beans:

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This is a southern thing. And before you go all “Ewww”, it’s fucking delicious. You can go and hipster whine in the corner all you want, but it’s simple, quick, and delish. It’s just plain white rice and pinto beans. Sometimes, I get creative and use blackeyed peas! Not the band.

So, I’m enjoying some Attack of the Show and rice and beans. I would show you the slab of red velvet cake I’ve already devoured, but I kind of already devoured it, so….I went down on that cake like Elton John on a hot Latino pool boy. Yeah.

Happy Tuesday!

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Royal fire crotch.

Yeah, I don’t have anything interesting to really say. Today was pretty mundane. I didn’t have any kind of awesome eating breakthrough, I didn’t work out. I just worked, got home, and drove myself insane trying to get off of the level I’m stuck on in Portal. Took me about an hour to move through three rooms. I’m an awesome video game player as you can tell.

GP is flipping through some DVR’ed content because he knows I’m not paying any kind of attention to the TV. Anytime he sees me pick my iPhone or laptop up, he knows I’ve basically tuned out and I’m not watching anything on TV. So, he’s fast forwarding through last night’s Jimmy Kimmel Live (we’re huge Jimmy Kimmel fans), and Jimmy is talking about the photos that TMZ leaked of a very nude Prince Harry. If you don’t know who Prince Harry is please jump back in your time machine that you obviously came from 1969 in see here.

So, in my opinion, Prince Harry has turned out hotter than I ever thought he would. I’m not into gingers per say (I’m NOT saying I hate gingers before you nutbags start- I just prefer darker hair to ginger), but I do think Harry is waaaay hotter than Prince William is. Everyone always thought William would’ve turned out to be the hotter one, but ALAS! Harry has prevailed. Harry normally has hotter chicks on his arm as well, I think Kate is kind of unattractive.

So, back to the nudies. Apparently, Prince Fire Crotch Harry decided he wanted to do it up in the most royal of ways while partying in Vegas with some “female friends” strippers, and decided to play some rowdy game of none other than, you guessed it, strip pool. Aaaand, as opposed to it’s famous slogan, absolutely NOTHING EVER STAYS IN VEGAS EVER EVER EVER EVER, and our loyal friends at TMZ snatched up some very steamy pics of the Prince and his crown jewels.

See here:

aaand here:

Yah. I’m not sure what’s going in here in this last one, but luckily all royals are born with a customary decency red star over their bums and all is well and covered. Poor lucky strippers. The one in the last pic is basically being mounted like the love vessel she is a common dog. The Queen just wished he’d have tanned before hand. Wait, gingers can’t tan!

Well, thanks to this little escapade, he’s made out worse than Lindsay Lohan at a dry wedding. The Royal family have been spending unlimited amounts of the people of England’s money to make sure these pictures get nowhere, but thankfully, America was formed for this very reason (our forefathers just KNEW this would happen), and we don’t have to answer to the Queen and her minions. We can do whatever we damn well please with pictures we take, and post them wherever we damn well like. Suck it, Queen!

Sadly, I have not been able to find uncensored pics before anyone asks perverts.

So, I’ll leave you with this post and let it all sink in in a sexy, gingery pile in your head. Hopefully, when you go to sleep tonight, you’ll have dreams of naked Princes and strippers.

Hopefully just strippers.

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Eat ALL the cake!

I think I have what can be categorized as a sugar-induced stomach ache right now. Why you ask? I had the bright idea of buying a whole red velvet cake at Bi-Lo and having a HUGE slice after I ate some Hot Cheetos and a chicken salad sandwich. Yeah. I feel like a complete fat-ass right now. So, I’m just gonna assume the feeling of failure and complete fat-assedness tastes just like cream cheese icing. Mmmm….

My bright idea to get some cake came from the fact that I’ve had birthday cake almost five different times this week. This is why I can’t have nice things: I get cake, then I don’t have cake. Wait, but I want some more cake! NO, you can’t anymore cake, it was for the four birthdays you celebrated this week! But I have a bank account full of paycheck money….Oh well, guess you better go buy a whole cake. Go big or go home. Now I feel like shit. Oops.

My bright idea to get some delicious, delicious Hot Cheetos comes from the fact that THIS awesome video reminded me of how good they are. These kids have mad flow!:

Yeah. If I could make that my ringtone I would. Although, I need it to really say Hot Cheetos and fatback, because I’m from South Carolina and not the west coast, and we don’t have Takis here. I had to research them. Apparently, they’re a Hispanic brand of flavored, mostly spicy, tortilla strips. Sounds delicious of course.

I need to get my comatose ass up and clean this disaster area of an apartment. If I weren’t too busy watching The Avengers cartoon and finishing up playing the last few levels of Portal, I guess I could do lots of things. Oh well. That’s what Sundays are for I guess. Watching superheroes whip ass and solving puzzles like a boss. Maybe Portal is the reason for my cake cravings. After all, they do keep telling me I’ll have cake at the end….

Have a good Sunday!

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Birthday party farmer’s tan.

‘Ello.

So, yesterday was uneventful as always. Actually, I got a decent amount of stuff done, but nothing really interesting happened. Just getting some theater props done (I’m a four year volunteer with the local community theater here), had lunch with a friend, paid some bills, bought a couple birthday gifts, bought a new purse (It’s fucking GORGEOUS, Relic Brand brown leather), and went and had dinner and few drinks with my friend who just got into town from London.

So, passed that, nothing really happened. Dinner was interesting enough. I met her and her family at a local place here in town, and just had wings and a beer (oddly enough, this is the only place in town that DOESN’T serve liquor, and I’m not a beer drinker AT ALL, but the thought of not having alcohol drives me insane, so I always order just a Fat Tire. It’s the only beer I’ll really drink for some reason), and then some birthday cake. Then when we got done there, she kissed her mom and step-dad good night and went with us to the local bar and had a few real drinks. Of course, Patti being from London but born and raised in Peru and Russia, she has her fair share of foreign accent, and people around here look at her like she’s a fucking exhibit at the museum. So, we of course dealt with all of the locals oohing and aahing over her foreign-ness and accent and stories of far off places, and then got the hell out. Plus, she played a whole bunch of electronic dance on the jukebox that’s only used to playing country, so they LOVED that.

So, today, I had to be up at like 9:30am to be able to wrap the birthday gifts I bought for my little cousin who was having her grand 4th birthday party at 11am this morning. The party was being held at my cousin’s house (it’s her little girl), and she rented this huge blow-up bouncy castle water slide thing for the kids, while the adults sat around and talked and watched kids slam into each in the funniest of ways. So, naturally, everyone is sitting outside, and the way I’m sitting under this tent thing, the back of my right arm is being exposed to direct sunlight, unbeknownst to me. I sat outside for a good three hours without moving, I know.

Well, that was over and done with at about four, and then I did some more family stuff before I went to Walmart to pick up a few things. While losing a few intelligence points just from being in the building. So, I’m walking past the clothes, and something distracts me to my left, and I walk straight into the sharp pointy end of the clothing rack on the front of my right shoulder. I’m 5’6″, so this rack hit me perfectly in my shoulder, and it was the most intense, sharp pain ever. It immediately bruised up and swelled. I dipped down the nearest empty aisle to survey the damage. I now have a purple, angry bruise thing on the front part of my shoulder. Eww.

But when I rolled up my shirt sleeve to look, I noticed that my arm was kind of red on the back out of the corner of my eye. I look closer and realize I have a perfect division of pale skin and red sunburn on the back of my arm. WHAT. THE. HELL. Yep. I have a fucking farmer’s tan on my right arm. I officially am from South Carolina now. I might as well start mowing my yard in my bikini.

Here’s the proof:

Yeah, so no short sleeved shirts for me for about a week until this shit fades away. I feel so redneck. Ugh.

Have YOU ever gotten a farmer’s tan and/or weird tan line?

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What a whirlwind.

For the three people reading this blog, sorry for not posting for like two days. I’ve been feeling really icky for the past 72 hours, and yesterday was god awful. I thought I was gonna die. There’s some kind of nasty stomach virus going around. I believe I caught it from my aunt, maybe. thats what I get for buying her 5 year old those baseballs.

I have gotten absolutely nothing done in the past two days; getting through work and then absolutely crashing out at home in some kind of over the counter medication coma. I’ve never consumed so much ginger ale in my life. I don’t mind that so much, ginger ale is the stuff of gods. I still feel kinda icky, and I have a headache that just won’t quit. I even made GP an awesome casserole that I stole borrowed from this awesome chick and I just couldn’t bring myself to eat much. (Dont worry- it was delicious, GP approved and devoured it, and I just had the rest for lunch!)

So I’ll sign off for the moment, and finish watching my daily dose of Maury. This shit never gets old.

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Screw you, humidity.

Blah blah blah blah. That’s how I feel today. Today has just been one of those “Wish I could go back to sleep and start over” days. Nothing has gone MAJORLY wrong, but there’s just been something constantly all day that has been aggravating, one right after the other. Ugh. And I’m working til nine pm. Yaaaay.

So, the weather here has been so roller coaster-tastic lately. Yesterday, it rained in the morning, and then heated up to like 90 degrees, and then cooled back off and was completely dreary. This morning, it rained, then the sun came out. Aww, shit. I would rather the sun just stay in bed because South Carolina and the sun have this evil relationship where they get off on the misery of everyone, and love to see hair ruined ten minutes into stepping outside. Yeah. I at least made my Chi straightener feel good about itself and used it this morning, to no avail though. My hair completely remembered its slightly curly and got back to its roots as soon as I opened the front door this am. Needless to say, I’m rocking the half up bun right now. Ugh.

Jesus Christ, if I don’t get outside tonight just for the sheer satisfaction of stress relief, I’m gonna punch something. Hopefully there’s no one standing around when I get off of work, I can’t guarantee anyone’s safety. I would probably swing and then curl up in the fetal position, who am I kidding.

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Have a fucking fantastic wonderful Monday!

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